5 Things I hate about Prom

Oh, prom season. When millions of entitled, hormonal know-it-alls demand impossible work for laughable prices. The only thing worse is their mothers. Here are just a few reasons prom season makes me want to hang myself with a feathered hair extension.

1. The girls who blow a grand on a dress, shoes, and fancy underwear, then expect to get Hollywood makeup on a Detroit budget. Here’s a valuable life lesson that your parents should have taught you by now: You get what you pay for, kid. Makeup costs money. Tools cost money. My time and experience are valuable. No, I’m not going to spend an hour covering your acne for twenty bucks.

2. The girls who expect miracles. I can hide some of your acne, but I can’t give you perfect skin. I can contour your face some, but I can’t change it’s shape and structure. Your giant nose isn’t going to become a cute button one through the magic of makeup. No liner is going to give you perfect almond eyes. If you can’t love the face you were born with, you don’t need a makeup artist, you need a plastic surgeon. Or a therapist. Or both.

3. The girls who call two days before prom and get their panties in a twist because I can’t squeeze them in. Guess what? There are dozens of high schools having proms on about four nights. That adds up to thousands of girls all wanting their hair and makeup done at the same time. Still only one of me. It is not my fault that you can’t do the math and figure out that you need to make an appointment early. Take it up with your teachers.

4. The girls who can’t verbalize what they want. Or even what they don’t want, until it’s on their face and they don’t like it. Don’t tell me to “do whatever looks good” and then tell me to do it over when it isn’t the exact replica of Jennifer Lawrence’s makeup at the Oscars. Learn to speak the language or bring me a photo. I’m not a mind reader.

5. Helicopter mothers. Dear God. The mothers.

Thankfully it only lasts a few weeks. Then I have weddings to look forward to...