Nut Jobs

My Minister of Interwebs and Glitter (aka Stacey) and I were discussing possible blog topics last week when I told her I had a lady threaten me with a bad review if I don't take her on as a client - for a date I already have booked. Then I had another lady reverse her card charge from June because she kept canceling and rescheduling, even though she'd signed a contract that clearly states deposits are not refundable. This led to a whole barrage of irrational client anecdotes that seemed worthy of sharing. Like the lady a while back that claimed I burned her daughter with a curling iron, when all I did for her was a fishtail braid - no heated tools were used. The icing on that crapcake was that she complained after the fact about tipping me because she let me stay at their cabin… on the couch. And on the candy calendar project, the model who chose - and made her own dress out of - lemon drops, then complained that she couldn't wear any yellow on her face because of her complexion. Earlier this year, I had a bride do a trial with me that wanted Amy Winehouse eyeliner, then sent me YouTube videos on how to do a Marilyn Monroe cat eye. After that, she fired me for her wedding, then hired me again the week before.

Our favorite, though, isn’t even actually my story, but Stacey loves it and she publishes the blog posts, so we’ll tell it anyway. A friend of mine was doing MUAH for a haunted house, and was working on a (presumably murderous and terrifying) clown. She used a sponge that had contracted a touch of that most contagious of makeup afflictions - glitter. No big deal, right? It happens. Well, the (murderous and terrifying) clown proceeded to have a panic attack because he "touched" glitter. Glitter phobia? Who knew! She said he cried in a corner for 20 minutes! (Stacey, of course, loves this story because it effectively makes her a sparkling supervillain.) Do you have funny or amazing MUAH stories? Send them to Stacey at a.locke@gmail.com with the subject “nut jobs”, and if we get some good ones, maybe we'll post yours (anonymously if you prefer, of course)!