A Personal Rant

I've been notified that I've been banned from a certain company of collaborative shoots. There was a contract in place that stated if I did three shoots at a discounted price, full payment would be given at the next shoot. I was undermined by a school of students who were willing to do the work for free, and the company reneged on the contract. Months later, I offered to help do a shoot as a volunteer, only to find out I was banned for reasons explained with generalizations and the threat of slander.

I know I'm an abrasive person. I like things "just so..." I like order to my life and my business, yet the business I'm in runs on chaos. I know how a business is supposed to be run, but this knowledge is constantly at war with my chaotic, artistic side. Using my personality against me when you know I'm a great artist who is not only reliable, but a visionary, is a diplomacy, or politic, matter. Deciding I'm not good enough because of my personality, yet being happy with my art, is confusing. I get paid for my work, but when you hold that against me, I usually reply that this is my full time job. I'm sorry that you don't get that. And you made it about money.

I'm not tactful, I say what I mean and mean what I say. I realize that some of you see this as a fault, but I choose to view it as strength. I know that I should find a happy medium in there somewhere, but after a lifetime of being told how to think, how to act, how to live, please understand that that is not who I am. I'm a natural leader, and yes, at times super bossy. But I will always be honest. If that's a character flaw, then so be it. I'm tired of apologizing for who I am, and I refuse to be taken advantage of. I'm learning slowly that this is not the way the world works.

I am unique. I am reliable. I am a great artist who understands a concept. I will continue on this road, wherever it leads. I've been hurt and burned so many times by people who are greedy and malevolent. I will still be my happy, generous self. Your loss.