What I meant was...

This blog entry was a collaboration with my Web Assistant and client, Stacey Locke (aka burlesque artist Eartha Delights) with whom I share a caustic sense of humor and an intolerance of asshattery. If you enjoy her snark, you can check out her own site and blog (that she even updates once in a blue moon) at earthadelights.com.

I have something of a reputation for saying what I really think. Funny thing is, I frequently don’t. Lots of things I think would be bad for business to actually say out loud. Customer service is important, and I (contrary to popular belief) do care about being kind. But my filter is all clogged up, so I’m about to shake it out here…

That time I said “What a lovely dress!”

I was really thinking “Why are you wearing 900 coffee stained doilies to your own wedding?”

That time I said “I’m not sure that blush will work with your complexion.”

I was really thinking “If I put that on you, you will look like Bozo the Clown.”

That time I said “Would you like some gum?”

I was really thinking “What crawled under your tongue and died?”

That time I said “Can I get you some coffee?”

I was really thinking “You just nodded off in my chair. Are you high or just malnourished?”

That time I said “No, she’s fine. I love kids!”

I was really thinking “Your four year-old is a better conversationalist and has more manners than you.”

That time I said “I’m going to use a lighter color to add some fullness to your lips.”

I was really thinking “...Unless angry Juggalo was what you were going for in your boudoir shoot.”

That time I said “Have you considered wearing your hair up?”

I was really thinking “Do you realize your bad dye job and fallen curls make you look like a Muppet Show reject?

Whew. I feel better. This might need to be a series...