Don't Try This At Home

There is some terrible advice on the internet. (I know, major revelation, right?) And if you’re like most people, your mom/grandma/aunt/babysitter probably gave you some bad information, too. Here are a few of the craziest beauty tips I do not recommend.

• Work out in a trash bag to lose weight faster! Never mind looking like an indigent at the gym. That extra weight you’re losing is water, and if you don’t die of dehydration today, it’ll be right back tomorrow.

• Shave off your eyebrows and draw them in the perfect shape! Oh god. Only if you are a drag queen. And even then, honey… You better WERK.

• Use lipstick or gloss as eyeshadow! We’ve talked about red/pink eye makeup before. Never mind how sticky and difficult to blend it is. Gross. (Using it as blush isn’t awesome either, but at least it might resemble the right color. Sort of.)

• Choose your foundation color based on the back of your hand! Go to a mirror and hold the back of your hand up next to your face. Is it even a remotely similar color? Unless you are made of china, probably not.

• Get rid of zits with Windex! My Big Fat Greek Wedding was a work of fiction, people. Please don’t apply household cleaners to your face.

• Don’t use shampoo! I know someone who insists that rinsing with water and conditioning alone is much healthier than using shampoo. Seriously. It might actually be a little better for your scalp than using harsh shampoos containing sulfates, but... She does not have the best hair. I’m just saying.

• Brush your hair 100 times to make it smooth and shiny! Okay. If “smooth and shiny” = split and frizzy.

• Reduce eye puffiness with Preparation H! The label clearly warns you against getting it anywhere near your eyes. Also, they stopped using the ingredient that made it work that way thirty-some years ago. Try tea bags instead. (Heh, heh, heh…)